No Matter The Cost
by Ryzaki
Summary: Commander Shepard thinks about Horizon and about the differences between him and Kaidan.


Betrayal

"You betrayed everything we stood for!"

It seems you didn't know me at all Kaidan.

I didn't stand for the alliance.

Never did.

Never wanted to.

I was 16 when my family was slaughtered in front of my eyes when those Batarian bastards decided it would be easier to kill the rebels than bother enslaving us to make us their goddamn "example of what we do to humans who don't toe the line". They blew up our house and I was trapped under rubble. I remember them sneering at me saying I'd die soon enough as they walked off.

Trapped. Alone. With only the corpses of my family for company.

I laid there for hours. I guess I should be happy I wasn't injured other than a slash on my arm. But as I laid there holding that shitty pistol my father gave me the only thing I could think about was much I hated those four eyed bastards.

I had heard about aliens sure, even saw a few pictures of them and once in a while one would come to our little colony and trade goods or just visit. But never in my life did I hate them as much as I did at that moment. I swore to myself I would neverlet those bastards do this to anyone else while tears ran down my face. A child's promise but hell I made those bastards run at Elysium so I must've did something right.

Anderson found me. Sobbing loudly at the injustice of it all torn between rage and sorrow he pulled me out. I will always owe him for that. He became a mentor to me after that. Looked out for me…made sure I had a roof over my head and food to eat. When I asked him if I could become a soldier like him he pulled some strings to get me in a decent position in the military.

I didn't join the alliance to protect the alliance's interests.

I joined to protect kids like me from being made into Batarian slaves. To stop suffering at the hands of aliens and in cases that it fit humanity itself as well. I joined to save people. To save lives.

Instead I got beaucracy, bullshit lines about expanding humanities interests when those interests relied on those I wanted to protect suffering. It didn't take long for me to realize I didn't belong there. Not really.

Yet I stayed because I had nowhere else to go. What could a kid with only a high school level education do? The only thing I was skilled out was combat and by god was I _good. _I thrived in combat, reviled in it. It was the only time I ever really felt _free. _It wasn't long before I jumped ranks and made it into N7. There I was educated on tactics of war and strategy. They gave me a mind dangerous enough to match my body. A perfect killer so to speak. Yet part of me still remained that boy trapped under rubble, the one who just wanted his family back and for the Batarians to never have existed, it was him that gave me the strength to pull off Elysium.

I rallied the people together by bringing up Mindoir. I still don't remember what I said. That whole day is pretty much a blur in my mind but we managed to find one of those batarian bastard's ringleaders not the top dog but close enough to make them hurt.

It's amazing how powerful my biotics were they're even stronger now. I had heard L3 had severe limits but I felt little all I know is I was angry. All I know is I saw red when those four eyed bastards grabbed a girl and tried to collar her when I came to there was a stunned crowd of people around me and fleeing Batarians. A one man army some had said…a monster others had.

I passed out from exhaustion soon after. When I woke up I was being called a hero and being given medals. I had finally done what I joined the alliance to do in the first place. But after that came more beaucracy and more and more I started to hate what I became.

It wasn't long after that I heard about people wanting me to be a Spectre. I hoped this path would lead to better results and now those I'd protect would be those of all races yet it stayed the same beaucractic bullshit with strings. Here though I had some control over what I did, what targets I took out, I didn't have to simply jump on command. The council stayed out of my way and only wanted me to do something I would've done in the first place. Make that bastard Saren pay for Eden Prime.

I'm amused though that they reinstated me. Working for Cerberus and they say I can be a Spectre as long as I stay away from anywhere my title has weight. Amusing. But they won't do anything about the vanishing human colonies so what choice do I have that's not Cerberus? No Kaidan working with Cerberus doesn't betray what I stood for in the least if anything working with Cerberus is me standing up for what I stand for.

TIM is a lying snake but he like the council allows me to do what I want. His demands are even more lax but I don't expect it to stay that way long. No the only way I can ever achieve my dreams is on my own. I know that now.

You are indeed an alliance soldier.

I am ex-alliance, Spectre that works with Cerberus.

I'm not sure what you believe in.

I believe in serving and protecting humanity as a whole alliance or not

You will accomplish your goals without compromising your morality.

I don't have that luxury. I had to kill 300,000 Batarians to make sure you along with the rest of the galaxy was safe. I had to rely on Cerberus to provide me with the resources to do so. My hands are stained with the blood of innocents to keep the Reapers back for even a little longer.

Well I don't know what you stood for Alenko and you apparently don't know what I stand for. We never knew each other hell I don't think we even tried. I at least had the decency not to assume.

So no matter what it is you stand for

I stand for saving humanity.

No matter what the cost.


End file.
